Ramblings on a Friday

Well, not much to report on the baby front, OK nothing to report on the baby front, but I have some time, so I thought I'd write to just get some stuff out. What stuff?? As I sit here, I don't know.

I am trying to numb myself to baby feelings and all the issues I've been having with everyone else having babies and us just observing for what seems like years. We just always had our plan and that has just been shot all to nothing. Now there is no plan.....we thought at this point in our lives we would have a baby and be enjoying that new adventure, but it just hasn't worked out that way.

I have to admit it stresses me a lot now with the idea that if we can somehow manage to get pg this year, Andrew will probably be 37 when the baby arrives..........and who knows if we'll have more, but we aren't spring chickens anymore. I too am sadly getting older and this effects my fertility far more than his age......HECK I'll be 31 in a couple of weeks. My clocks is ticking along and I feel like we are just stuck. Heck we've had this conversation for what seems like years now as family and friends have had babies and grown their families and we have stagnated with the two of us.

I feel like family has basically given up on us having babies and that makes me SAD!!! WE SO WANT A BABY (and I want to scream it from the mountain tops), but things just aren't proceeding as planned. DARN PLANS!!! I so want to tell them of our issues, but then it is always talked about and questioned and I've discovered that is just as hard or harder, so for now we are just going to put on a smiley face and act happy for everyone who is pg and expecting the next bundles of joys (oh, but we are very thrilled for everyone's happy news).....as much as it makes me want to cry a lot of the time. I have the green envy monster but he is ever present these days in my life and yes, it makes me sad, but I feel like I have no control over him. he just arrives and there he is in the room.

Oh, well. We are off this weekend to support the Hokies, so that will be a nice distraction. our next cycle should begin next week and here's crossing our fingers for some good news to come out of it!!! we've passed the 18 month mark, so surely that means we are due some GOOD, EXCITING, LIFE-CHANGING NEWS!!!!