Another Friend

So, another friend has just told me she is pg. And pg with #2 that is. I am not bitter, I am not bitter. I am just SAD!! It was hard when all my friends were pg and having their first babies, but now many friends and family are onto #2 and #3 and that is just a harder pill to swallow.

I want to join the club. I want to have mommy memories. I want to see my DH as a Daddy. I am so envious of friends and family with little ones. As the months pass it gets harder and harder to deal with. Our 20th cycle is fast approaching and I just want a wee one!!! 2 years will be here before we know it. It makes me SO sad. And I feel left out with friends and family. I feel like they must talk behind our backs....like why don't they have kids yet. They love kids.....are they going to have them.....

It all gets compounded with more and more friends/family pg.....and some days it is hard to hold it all together.

SIGH.....and so it goes.

CD9 and CD11 Ultrasound and Bloodwork Results

Let's start with CD9---

I went in on Friday for ultrasound and bloodwork to see how the Clomid worked and to also determine if I needed the Follistim. While I was there, the RE said she didn't think I'd need the Follisitm, but they'd call with results and also that my lining was thin and I'd probably need to supplement my Estrogen (a common side effect of the Clomid). So I went home to wait for a phone call--meantime, we got our new refrigerator and it is AWESOME!!! So in the afternoon, my nurse calls with all the results----I don't need the Follistim, but I also have a large number of follies (no specifics). She told me I should come back on Sunday for another monitoring session and that we were not to have intercourse.......

So onto CD11---
My appointment was at 8:15. I get up a few minutes early and head out only to discover, my alarm clock decided yesterday was the DST change, which it usually is, but not this year and I so I missed my appointment. They close at 9am and that is when I got there. THANKFULLY, I was able to call and get in at the Rockville office and that worked out well since my RE was there and we had to do some talking about what to do this cycle.

So I had my u/s and Dr. Saffan told me that on CD9 I basically had 4 follicles that were the same size. On the u/s on Sunday, there was:
1 follicle at 19mm
2 follicles at 16 mm
and a bunch of smaller ones

A mature follicle is 18mm or over. Basically it looks like I could have 3, since the follies will keep growing. And 3 follies can equal 3 babies. Not the ideal number. So, we easily decide no trigger shot which would prompt the follies to grow and probably ovulate. After much discussion, we decide to let me ovulate naturally which will probably result in only one or two eggs releasing and then do either IUI or timed intercourse. RE was good with both options and we also were able to decide next cycle I will only do 25mg of Clomid and hope for 1-2 EXCELLENT follies and slightly better timing.

Andrew and I talked about our options and decided on just doing TI this month. So we'll see. Yesterday my lutenizing hormone was still very low, so we'll see how the week progresses. I may go back in on Wed morning for another monitoring session. :)

Getting Eager for what is next!!

Tonight will be my last dose of Clomid and I am antsy to see where we are on Friday!!! I am optimistic the boost from the meds should help our chances this month. Granted the odds are still not huge, but they are way better than they have been in a LONG time.

Come on BFP!!!!!!!! Come on BFP!!!!! We want a little Holmes' baby!!!

Update from Saturday's Monitoring Appt

Let's see. All went well. It was all pretty basic. Blood work and ultrasound. Then wait for a call for the all clear to start meds.

So the ultrasound showed 7 follicles on both sides. I think that is a good number. I think the last ultrasound in May/June showed 9 on one and 6 on the other, so I think that is an average start count. Now we just want them to GROW--but not all of them.

In the afternoon on Saturday, I got the green light to start Clomid. I've take two doses and have three more to go. Then I go back on Friday for another round of blood work and ultrasound.

So far, I haven't had any bad side effects from the Clomid and many people claim it can be very bad. I am only on 50mg and that is the lowest dose, so that may have something to do with it. But I am glad none the less. This time next week we could be doing the IUI and in wait mode. Very exciting.

Baseling U/S and bw tomorrow

I am a bit nervous. What if something isn't right......and I can't proceed. These thoughts are niggling about, but I am sure all will be great. I just need to not stress as that can throw some of the hormone stuff off.

Anyway, I am also excited to go and get the OK to start my meds. I am so hoping this is what we need to make some magic. More and more I am realizing whatever isn't working probably has to do with me, but does that really matter no. I just want a healthy baby!!! I want to be pregnant and enjoy all the good and bad that comes with that. I want to hold my baby in my arms and see who I think they look like---Andrew or me.

Sure I love my DH and my puppy dearly, but I want more. Is that so bad?

So the journey of IF continues. Hopefully next time I write I'll be a medicated woman (for the good and the bad---and I hear a lot of BAD can come of Clomid).

New Cycle= New Hope

So, finally I am on CD1!! I am so excited about starting my first medicated cycle. Since my last post, I've received my meds, taken the injectable class, and am all set to get going. I have just been waiting......

I go on Saturday for CD3 blood work and ultrasound to make sure all is good to start the meds. If everything looks good, I'll take Clomid (50mg) for 5 days. Then the plan is back to the office for ultrasound on CD9. Depending on how things are going in with my follicle development, we are planning to use Follistim (75mg) and then Ovidrel to trigger.

For now, just crossing fingers all looks good on Saturday and I can start the Clomid. I'll be posting again soon.

First Medicated Cycle

Well, I think we are all set for our first medicated cycle. YAY! This really increases our chance at success....we are going from about 2-4% to 17-20 percent and the average fertile couple has a 20% chance each month, so it brings us back up to that level. YAY! I am cautiously optimistic.

I have my injectible class on 16 Oct which is a little later than they'd like, since that is when I'll learn the protocol (or when to take what and how), but I think it will be OK.

Here are the meds we are using this cycle:
Clomid
Follistam
Ovidrel

I am pretty excited, but scared at the same time. Hoping all the side effects don't make me too much loonier than I already am and that they don't make me gain 800 more lbs, since I've already gained about 10 excess lbs this year with all the IF stress. SIGH!

Another Day

So, it is just another day and I so mean that. This week started well, we have a plan and that is half of the battle. Then I found out some of the meds aren't covered by insurance, so I am freaking out because those meds help mitigate some of the mild endometriosis my RE suspects and really increase the chance of a poitive outcome. Call nurse and try and figure out where to go.....she is irritated at insurance too for not telling her, but it is no big deal. She'll call in the prescriptions to a "speciality" pharmacy. GREAT. But as of 36 hours later, still no call from them. I just am waiting to see the damage for one month of drugs............I can only imagine Andrew's response when I am able to tell him.


But on the good side, I have my injectables class scheduled (although a little close CD-wise, but hopfully it will work out). I got in the first available class. CROSSING FINGERS on that. It just needs to happen before day 3 I think.


Other things going on----I weighed myself, something I've been avoiding for like the year and a half we've been TTCing and BOY was it BAD! I saw numbers I have never seen, so I am making a concerted effort to eat better and at least do some form of excercise most days (even if that is just walking the dog), heck that is better than nothing......right!


This weekend we are going to meet my friends new baby, she will be almost 2 weeks old when we see her. I am excited, but know it will be hard as I will be a bit envious. We also have another friends daughter's first b-day party. It will be a baby filled weekend.


Hoping for some resolution on the meds front so we are all set for CD 1.....otherwise, just another day!